I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
