That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
