so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I will pee on everything he values.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize