oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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