I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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