he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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