I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
