her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
