i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
