It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
