the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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