I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
