Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Of course I have a pirate flag
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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