My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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