You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
