what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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