only you would photoshop your dick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
