Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
