wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
