He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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