just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
