worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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