Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
