Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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