so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
