i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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