I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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