Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
