sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
