I don't think brook has ever known best
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
