Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
