$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
