Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
