Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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