I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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