Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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