So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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