it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
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I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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