I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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