Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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