Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
