No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
