whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
