Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
