God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
