There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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