Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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