Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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