I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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