I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize