in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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