I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
