Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
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It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
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Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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