I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
