Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
