Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
