it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
