i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
