but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
