So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
