I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
